Dale made a wonderful point in his last post: A hobby that doesn't inspire you is really just taking up time. This is the first year I've tried "real" vegetable gardening, and I think the best lesson I learned all year was to laugh as often as possible. Partly to keep yourself from committing murder with your pruning shears every time your carefully tended plants bite the dust, and partly because it really is funny to be so constantly surprised by the way nature takes its course.

The Accidental Gardener's Almanac looks like your typical schmaltzy stocking-stuffer, the type of thing you'd find in the bargain bin at a big-box bookstore. It's small and short, with a simple illustration on the front. The blurb on the back, though, gives a hint of what's inside: "You too can create a tranquil haven in your own backyard that you'll be too exhausted to appreciate."

Inside is a month-by-month rundown of what can, and probably will, go wrong at some point in your garden. But it's funny pessimism - negativity delivered with an acerbic wit that could only be (and in this case, is) British. Here are some of my favorite quips, along with images from my garden.

January: "Whoever said that watering plants in the midday sun can burn plants must have been suffering from rabies. Water cannot burn anything. In fact, it is widely recognised as an effective way of putting out fires." Of course, the "burning" may not be a problem in cooler climates; in hotter ones, water droplets can have the same effect as a magnifying glass, intensifying the sun's heat and literally burning plant parts.


Image: Sundrops, one of many plants which fell victim to overwatering this summer amid the deluges we had in Maryland.)

April: "Topiary is not a rewarding hobby that allows for creativity and individuality in the garden. It is the recourse of obsessive-compulsives and shows less imagination than a person who collects their toenail clippings and own a large ball made out of rubber bands."


Image: My rosemary bush is almost as tall as I am, but I haven't trimmed it all year. No, I'm not lazy. I just don't want to limit its personal style.

October: "Did you know that bonsai means 'a plant growing in a container'? So if anyone asks you if you've ever kept bonsai you can probably answer 'Yes' truthfully."


Image: This "bonsai" looks especially pretty next to these surprise gifts from the squirrels. The squash plants I raised carefully from seed fell victim to squash vine borers, but the gourd vine I didn't plant was as healthy as could be!

July: "Whoever said that to be happy for an hour you should get drunk but to be happy for a lifetime, plant a garden, missed an obvious opportunity: to get drunk and plant a garden."

Image: No, my husband is not drunk here - just having a beer while cheering me on from the sidelines. And hey, check out the rosemary's "before" photo!

Here's to another season of laughter, sarcasm and fun in the garden. Who knows what surprises the next season will bring?